Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in emiem87moo's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
6:41 pm	blarg! alright, i have reliezed that i am mildly obsessed with myspace - and facebook is little better... so? my solution? to stay away from the computer? to combat my growing addition with sheer force of will? of course not. LJ is my solution... i am finally going to become an active member... or whatever... basically i am going to update on how shitty my life is. thus the 'blarg'. mmmk, where to start? i don't really like college.. it is a lot like high school ,it is not this amazing stimulating experience - intellectually or socially. in fact, i wish i could hang out with my ol' buddies cause they r generally much cooler than the bitches that i have met here - exceptions being sultan and bush... hehehehe. so maybe i am a little homesick who knows? maybe i am pissed at the world for the sucky hand that i have been dealt - or maybe i am gratful for all that i have, and still envious of those who have more? nah, i don't think that is it... i am rarely envious of others.. when i am it tends to be over a particular personality trait that i admire... kristin and her forwardness, carolyn and her "who gives a damn, i'll eat u bitch", april and her, "whatever" that type of thing. but still do i resent god? (or the powers that be for those of you who are unsure of which faith u agree with...) hell yes... i am scared of god... i am scared of the power he weilds, i am scared of his anger his wrath, i am scared that he is going to take away another person that i love. i am scared that i will never meet the standards that "christians" set for themselves and others. i am scared that i will never measure up/ be good enough to get into heaven... that never really scared me before the accident. i knew that god would forgive me anything... and he will... but what happens when you can't forgive yourself? i have to be forgiven so that i can go to heaven so that i can see my mom again. i know that she is there... whatever heaven is, she is there. a glorious place, where you have no worries and no regrets, pearly gates and gold paved streets are nice... but that isn't the main theme of heaven you know.... it is not the material wonder of the place, it is the personality of the people who are there... the love, basically. chris once made fun of ljers, saying that myspace was where you sucked it up and you whinned on your lj... well i feel like whinning and i feel like being 'emo' so fuck off. - not literally, just don't bug me about stupid shit, please. alright, i think that i am getting sick - i am all sniffly and sneezy and it sucks... rrrr.... *achu!* rrrr.... i hope that each of us looks at what we have each day - possesions both physical and within ourselves and realizes how freggin lucky we are... yea.... that is what i wish.... ppl suck blarg Current Mood: irritated Current Music: Latham (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
3:36 pm	here i got this from lauren... blame her. Pick ONE word from each pair that you think describes me the best & leave it in the comments. Then copy this and post it in your own journal to see how your friends view you. * dominant or submissive * logical or intuitive * social or loner * kinky or vanilla * cute or sophisticated * kitten or puppy * warm flannel sheets or sleek satin * leader or follower * quiet or talkative * spontaneous or planned * teddy bear or porcelain doll * hiking or window shopping * tequila or vodka * top or bottom * bare foot or shoes * jeans or slacks * tender or rough * aware or dreamy * nerd or jock Current Mood: anxious (1 Comment |Comment on this)
3:25 pm	OK I retook this quiz today... july 5, 2005 here is me now... TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey Name: emily Birthday: july 9 Birthplace: tyler tx Current Location: kingwood tx Eye Color: hazel (brown turns 2 green) Hair Color: light brown??? Height: 5'7" Right Handed or Left Handed: RIGHT Your Heritage: BRITISH... scottish, french, irish, indian The Shoes You Wore Today: ummm, none Your Weakness: love Your Fears: frogs Your Perfect Pizza: cheese, little greese, thick crust Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: stay alive... in spirit, i mean Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: don't have one Thoughts First Waking Up: grrrrr.. no wakey up!!!!! Your Best Physical Feature: my lips Your Bedtime: when i am tired... Your Most Missed Memory: my mom - any with her Pepsi or Coke: neither MacDonalds or Burger King: mickey D's better bbq sauce Single or Group Dates: both Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither Chocolate or Vanilla: both/neither Cappuccino or Coffee: neither Do you Smoke: not s'posed to Do you Swear: yeah... i should stop that Do you Sing: not well but yep i do Do you Shower Daily: hahaha, mostly... Have you Been in Love: unfortunatley Do you want to go to College: i think so Do you want to get Married: maybe one day Do you belive in yourself: sometimes, most of the times Do you get Motion Sickness: don't think so Do you think you are Attractive: yep yep yep Are you a Health Freak: hell no Do you get along with your Parents: orphaned... Do you like Thunderstorms: yes the single most beautiful/amazing/awe-inspiring thing on earth Do you play an Instrument: ehhh - no In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yes In the past month have you Smoked: cigerattes... yes In the past month have you been on Drugs: no In the past month have you gone on a Date: hell yes In the past month have you gone to a Mall: hmmm, don't remember... In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: not in one sitting... :) In the past month have you eaten Sushi: never eaten it In the past month have you been on Stage: nope In the past month have you been Dumped: nope - almost, but nope In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no but i really want to... In the past month have you Stolen Anything: yes, an ashtray... from a resturant... hehehe Ever been Drunk: i think so Ever been called a Tease: ; ) Ever been Beaten up: not phyically... Ever Shoplifted: not in years... How do you want to Die: aware that i am dieing... What do you want to be when you Grow Up: i don't want to grow up What country would you most like to Visit: australlia, or GERMANY In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: don't care Favourite Hair Color: don't care Short or Long Hair: long enough to run my fingers through Height: taller than me, please?? Weight: bigger than me please?? Best Clothing Style: uh? what? Number of Drugs I have taken: none... doesn't really matter... Number of CDs I own: i don't know Number of Piercings: 3, looking for 2 more... Number of Tattoos: none - YET Number of things in my Past I Regret: two... CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS! Here is me several months ago, you don't actually have to read them both they haven't changed that much.... MUAH!!!!! TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey Name: emily Birthday: july 9 Birthplace: tyler tx Current Location: kingwood tx Eye Color: hazel Hair Color: brownish? Height: 5' 7" Right Handed or Left Handed: right Your Heritage: british, french, scottish, irish, indian The Shoes You Wore Today: flip flops Your Weakness: love Your Fears: frogs, Your Perfect Pizza: cheese, little greese, thick crust Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: fall head over heals for a guy and have him do the same to me Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "dag yo" Thoughts First Waking Up: shit i don't want to wake up Your Best Physical Feature: my lips Your Bedtime: ummm, don't have one Your Most Missed Memory: my brother being home, little kids playing mario... Pepsi or Coke: neither MacDonalds or Burger King: MacDonalds, better BBQ sauce Single or Group Dates: both Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither Chocolate or Vanilla: both Cappuccino or Coffee: neither Do you Smoke: i'm not s'posed to Do you Swear: yeah, i should stop that.... Do you Sing: yep, but not well Do you Shower Daily: hahaha, mostly Have you Been in Love: unfortunatley Do you want to go to College: yes Do you want to get Married: someday Do you belive in yourself: not really Do you get Motion Sickness: don't think so Do you think you are Attractive: mildly Are you a Health Freak: nope Do you get along with your Parents: my mom most of the times Do you like Thunderstorms: yes the most amazing thing we can see in our lives Do you play an Instrument: hahaha, no In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yep yep yep In the past month have you Smoked: uh, yeah In the past month have you been on Drugs: no In the past month have you gone on a Date: i think so... In the past month have you gone to a Mall: i don't remember In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: not an entire box but yeah, oh and they have these little handisnacks things too In the past month have you eaten Sushi: never actually In the past month have you been on Stage: yeah In the past month have you been Dumped: nope In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: ahh, no but i wanna go In the past month have you Stolen Anything: nope Ever been Drunk: not to th epoint of getting sick, having a hang over or forgetting things Ever been called a Tease: yes Ever been Beaten up: not totally Ever Shoplifted: when i was little, it was candy lipstick How do you want to Die: soon What do you want to be when you Grow Up: a good person What country would you most like to Visit: germany In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: doesn't matter, it is what you see in them that counts Favourite Hair Color: doesn't matter, so long as it is soft to the touch Short or Long Hair: on the longer side Height: taller than me please?? Weight: bigger than me please? but muscled Best Clothing Style: uhhh, huh? Number of Drugs I have taken: none Number of CDs I own: no clue Number of Piercings: 3 Number of Tattoos: none, yet Number of things in my Past I Regret: one CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
7:24 pm	birthday girls... HAPPY BIRTHDAY EGGER SISTERS... I <3 YOU BOTH AND I HOPE THAT TODAY WAS THE BEST DAY EVER...!!! Current Mood: complacent Current Music: NONE (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 21st, 2005
2:47 am	hehehe Your #1 Match: ENTP The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor. Your #2 Match: ENFP The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist. Your #3 Match: ESTP The Doer You are adventurous and risk taking. You act first, think second. You love being the center of attention. Chances are you were the class clown. Competitive, charming, and charasmatic - you have your own code of honor. You live a flexible life, bouncing between a series of activies that interest you. You would make a great salesperson, marketing director, or entrepreneur. Your #4 Match: ENTJ The Executive You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others. Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise. Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow. You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence. You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant. Your #5 Match: ESFP The Performer You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others. A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic. You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally. You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic. You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor. What's Your Personality Type? Current Mood: amused Current Music: linkin park,breaking the habit (Comment on this)
2:12 am	HAHAHAHA i love this.... The Keys to Your Heart You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. What Are The Keys To Your Heart? thank you so much... it is creepily accurate actually. except for the marriage thing - well partially the idea does scare me and i am not sure why i want it, for me to alwasy be with the one i love, or b/c GOd and society tell me it's what i am 'posed to do.. but if you love someone and wanted to be with them, you could do it with out marriage, couldn't you?? still thanks, kisses... Current Mood: playful Current Music: 3 doors down, let me go (Comment on this)
1:11 am	ok so tonight was bloody amazing i love all of you so much and for those of you who laughed at what i said in my farewell and for those of you who didn't... It all come from stuntz monolgouge in theater 3 ya know. he performed a piece from american historyx he was talking about endings, and lessons learned. something like: someone else has undoubtaly said it before, and if you can't beat 'em, steal it from them and go out strong... so i am "stealing" the lyrics to this disney song to tell you all how i feel about graduating and "leaving" you all. here are the song lyrics to the song GOODBYE MAY SEEM FOREVER We meet, it seems, such a short time ago You looked at me - needing me so Yet from your sadness Our happiness grew And i found out I needed you too I remember how we used to play I recall those rainy days, THe fire's glow That kept us warm ANd now i find- we're both alone Goodbye may seem forever Farewell is like the end But in my heart is a memory And there you'll always be. that is really true. ok. i love you all and i really want you to know how important you have all become to me. that is all i can write b/c my happy euphoric mood of nonrealizing the future is upon us now was ruined. my mood was ruined by chris, surprise, surprise. -sigh- ~xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Current Mood: grateful Current Music: the reason, hoobastank (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
3:58 pm	Your Future! by sum41prin Name or LJ username: Home: Location: Lake Titicaca, Peru Job: janitor at a zoo How much youll make per year: $108,546 Vehicle: Quiz created with MemeGen! lauren is so mcuh fun... Current Mood: amused Current Music: gorillaz, fell good inc (2 Comments |Comment on this)
3:24 pm	conclusions... so, senior year, however long until graduation, walking across the stage and becoming a real full grown adult. YIKES!!! that kinda sucks. anywho, i have concluded that there is generally little to nothing that i can do.l a small portion of my life do i control and that is better left to God's hands than to mine. i've decided thanks to the great advice that i recieved from my friends on myspace that if you can't change something don't worry about it. and since there are so many things - i stopped telling you guys stuff last time when i started crying - that i have no control over that it is really silly to get so stressed out about it. especially since i put all of that stress off onto the people that i care the mosst about. to all of you who have had to suffer my craziness my stressed upset self these past weeks thank you for your patience. but i can not do anything so... i'll put all of the matters into god hands - from the life threatening ones to the financial to the annoying and mearly trivial. i am not made to cope with all of this i was not made to DEAL with all of this, if i was then i would have all of the answers... no that is God's department. so, God, take these worries out of my hands, may Your will be done. also i realized that if something isn't makin gyou happy either get away from it or change it. or change how you look at it at least. so, the things that i can control i have regained control over - both the situation and my emotions towards it. and everything will either deal with itself or go away. God Bless all of my friends - I love you all so much. so... still come and talk to me - at least i hope you can feel as if you can at any rate. i love helping out where i can and if i can't give you advice on the situation - i always have a spare shoulder to cry on - or i'll simply distract you or make you laugh... or smile and feel loved. why will i do this? because that is what all of you have done for me, why have you all done this for me? because that is what friends do. okay, so i'm going to go outside because it is a beautiful day outside, after i apply to best buy online, so i will see you suckers later ~KISSES and much love, emi Current Mood: for great people in my life Current Music: the used, all that i've got (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
10:46 pm	self pity i'm sorry for those of you who ever still check this lj. i never write, i don't ever have time, i am not sure what it is that i am doing but.... whatever... i am currently wallowing in self pity. poor little old me. i hate self pity i am holding myself in contempt. it is to much for me. now i hate myself for feeling sorry for myself that will never do. that is stupid. perhaps i should start with what is wrong. my uncle bill is sick and expected to die soon from heart complication - date unknown. my first theater teacher - burns has had a massive heart attack and wasn't expected to live he is currently recuperating in a hospital in conroe. i'm fighting with my mom all the time now, which i really hate. i love my mom, i just wish that i could be the person that she wants me to be... ya know. that person would be such an amazing person. my uncle james has emphazima (how ever you spell it) or something from smoking all of his life and he is getting worse every day my cousin ben, who i don't particularly like is in the middle of a custudy battle where his ex might run off with the kid. i don't really like ben but i love him, and he loves his daughter and he cares and we is a better father than his ex is a mother. and she, the little girl is truely better off here. my aunt judy is in the middle of a divorce, after many many years of marriage, as long as i can remember, and she is not.... she's not happy... my uncle jim has been diagnosed with cancer, the same kind that killed his father, and it is worse than the dr 1st thought. scary thought that, jim is the one who first taught me how to waltz.... i haven't been to church in 7 months.... my grandmother has gotten so bad that she doesn't remember her own children, let alone her grandkids, us, or events. she is almost 80 and has diabetes and a thousand other things that went wrong... my sister is getting married, a high note, but my brother and father are both not going - causing much drama i'm graduating, and once again leaving behind the most amazing people that i have been blessed to be around.... to get to know... then there is stupid high school drama with me and my boyfriend, and then there is the more fighting with my mom, and then there is all of the stuff that my friends, you guys are going through.... and that for some queer reason takes precidence over all of my stuff. i don't know maybe it is easier and more fulfilling for me to help others deal with stuff thanit is dealing with my own. what ever the reason, i love all of you. every single one of my friends, and i am constantly thinking about you.... not in a creppy stalker way in a ... wow i wonder how they're doing?? way......... and you should know if you are my friend, i would have told you how much i love you. and i want to thank you all for making me smile and allowing me for the breifest moment an escape fromthe things that i can not control and that i otherwise find no solice from... gotta go, much love... em (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 21st, 2005
3:35 pm	love... life... meaning... nah. utter bull shit okay so long time no see. or however that works in this instance. does it matter? hell if i know. i have made a truly profound observation recently, i don't know anything. as in i literally know nothing, about nothing and nothing is and nothing does not actually exist. So how do i know it? well it is the absence of nothing that matters. nothing is absence - of something, take your pick, money love affection good grades, all of these are SOMETHING. i know nothing. i have an absence of knowledge, knowledge about all of these things that are somethings. what i have decided, i hate stupidity, ignorance is tolerable. i am ignorant of so many things. of all things in fact. i am tired of knowing nothing. i will no longer tolerate my own ignorance. it is akin to looking at the world through a veil that you don't even know is there. well, i'm aware of it now. i haven't managed to lift said veil yet but i'm am, one slow learned fact at a time. don't get me wrong i am perfectly well informed about all of the horrible mean evil things in the world and i have no wish to become more closely acquainted with these, far from it. so, how can i learn of these things, grow to know these things without forming an acquaintance to them? i can't. it is a bond that has to form, that i am forcing upon myself. will i regret it, probably. but with every dark cloud there is a silver lining. so if i know of these evils what good could i also know? please don't think that i am simply craving to learn of the wicked way of the world, it is hardly the case, i want to know for knowings sake. i have always valued intelligence, prized knowledge. that is what i seek. i have read all those books in english i am aware of the dangers of such a quest, i am also painfully aware of what harm ignoring ignorance can cause. maybe i am just tired of people calling me naive. but as in rasselas, knowledge will not bring happiness. i know that. i already possess happiness. it is a living breathing thing that lives within all of those that i care about. my friends and family. even random strangers who make me smile or think. happiness is very much a state of mind but i gain my happiness through others, their presence, my relationship with them, the conversations that i have with them. any acquisition of knowledge that i gain would only further the closeness of my friends, the depth of conversation, but even then it is not about depth of conversation with friends that makes me happy, far from it, it is the utter ease that i feel around them, the peace that they each inspire within me. alright, i have gotten way off topic, and i forgot where i was going with this anyway. new topic. you might have noticed that my mood is blank. as in open to everything. it is a blank slate, my emotions, the slightest thing sways my mood and my opinion. i don't think that is good or even safe. i am very much aware of how impractical it is, trust me. just i'll admit the influence that others have on me, i am not happy about it but it is still there. there comes this point when you have to ask what your motivation is. no i am not talking about motivation the way it is usually used, like some grand divine inspiration just what is it that gets you out of bed in the morning, what is it that drives your decisions? anyway the comes this point when you can't let others be your motivation, you have to separate yourself from all those influences and decide only your own what to do. so my emotions and my mind to an extent are blank slates and everyone that i encounter are the chalk, but my free will is the eraser and i can keep what i want and erase what i don't need. this is where a lot of people screw up. they don't learn from their mistakes and they don't learn the lesson that life is trying to teach them. what the crap? hahahaha so the trick is to learn to be open to everything and then with an unbiased eye decide what is worth keeping. hurt feelings are good to remember, not for vengeance but for the moral of how they got hurt. do you get it? ignore me like you always do, i swear it will make your life easier. well, that is enough inane rambling from me for another month or so, later ya'll. Current Mood: blank Current Music: linkin park (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 9th, 2005
11:53 am	nothing to much so after talking to kevin last night, i got to thinking. that is something that i haven't really been doing much of recently. kevin's comment was about my having a platform on which to share and i had better be interesting and use it well or some such thing. and i'd like to apologize right now, because i don't think that i will be. i am not sure what i am going to write in here, but it is a journal, so i'll treat it as such. hehehehe, chris bought me something today, randomly. he told me it was a surprise... so of course the second that i ask him what it is he tells me. it is a stuffed elephant, my favorite animal ever. i am not sure why, i have always thought that there was a quite majesty about them. and they are gray, like so much of life. they have been my favorite animal since before i can remember. they are good luck when you see one with it's trunk raised.... and being in theater for so long... i can understand every aspect of why that is funny. ahhh, i love shakespeare. weirdly enough, two of my favorite songs are by Aaliyah, try again and are you that somebody. it is odd because i am not that into hip hop, r&b or soul rap type music anymore. i never really was, i just loved to dance to it a few years back. so i got to thinking about graduation and all of the people that i am never going to see again, but have made such an impact on my life... a friend thought i was thinking about suicide when i talked to them about it, silly boy. i was not. but i hope that i have made some difference to other people. that i'll be missed whenever i'm gone, as in, at college - just to clarify. so how stupid am i? i still haven't finished applying to college, any of them, not one. i don't really want to go, but i am aware of the fact that i have no choice. speaking of which, i had that whole long talk with my mom about what i'm going to do when i grow up and who i want to be. She told me she always saw me becoming a mom and raising a family. it really pissed me off. i'm not sure why. i do want to do that, but i want to do so much more as well. it's like, that is all she thought i was capable of doing or something, very annoying. and then, about what to study in college... she sees me as a life time student, some one who is always in school, always studying something. which is fine, i see myself doing the same thing for different reasons. my mom raised me to value education and knowledge, i have become prejudice against stupidity because of her. it has never been about the grade with me, i'd do the work if i thought that i'd get something out of it. i'd rather fail and learn something than make a's and still know nothing. but there are so many things that i want to know about.. she said it was because i was so indecisive and i would never be happy with anything that i did, like i could not be happy. so i would be stuck in this cycle of trying to learn my way out of my inner problems (which can be done mind you) i forgot where i was going with this. oh well note: the diff. between ignorance - not knowing and stupidity - not wanting to know. i am fully aware of ignorant i am personally. i know nothing, not even about myself. that is why i try so hard to understand other people. they hold the secrets to understanding yourself. i also have a very selfish or introspective personality, because it works vise versa. if i know myself than i know others as well. so by observing others, and understanding their actions and motivations, i can do the same to myself, and if i can know myself than i can better understand others. it seems like it would be a horrible circle of false understanding that gets you no where in the end, but it is more like a spiral or a spring, you follow the same pattern, and it is all very similar, but you are slowly making your way to somewhere. i have no clue where that somewhere is, but... hey that is the fun of going there to find out. it is all in the journey, and to be happy is in the state of mind, not the state of being. besides i know where i'll end up at the end of it all. or at least the next phase of life. that sounds so freaking cocky, sorry about it. i was going somewhere with all of this.... oh, if you don't know yourself first then you can't know anything else, because we filter everything that we some into contact with, so if we are being false with ourselves than it will be falsely censored, but if we are honest and know, than we can begin to comprehend true knowledge and really learn about other things, too. whoa, that made a heaping pile of no-sense. sorry. i just start rambling sometimes. man i love my mom but i hate how she makes me feel. i am a worthwhile person, even if i am the only one who thinks so. she CAN be such a bitch. Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: new found glory (Comment on this)
12:41 am	everybody needs to grow up hey, so i gave n and got an lj. yayness for me. i have absolutley no clue what to write, that is also cool. i thought that rehearsal went well today. um... yeah, lots of fun. the shows are hillarous, good work actors!! and my techies rule! by the way. i'd like to apologize one last time for being a horrible person and with that i'll close my first entry. love and blessing for u all. (2 Comments |Comment on this)